Biz Markie will sing the national anthem at the inauguration

Free taffy for everyone!

There will be a run on Ritz Crackers.

The numbness in my testes will FINALLY disappear.

Cuba Gooding Jr. will NOT receive a full pardon for making "Daddy Day Camp".

Wanda Sykes will reveal that she is, after all, white.

Nell Carter will rise from the grave...and exact her revenge.

Dolemite will be named the Secretary of Bad Assery

Fielder's Choices won't count as an at-bat. That makes no sense.

Elmers will sponsor the ambulance that treats horses that get hurt on racetracks.

Hillary will know how to take a clue.